So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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