We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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