He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
