i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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