$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
