i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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