i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
