Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize