yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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