Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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