I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Found your dick twin last night
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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