Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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