Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
