he wants to bone in the snuggie
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
