forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
