Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
