i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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