Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Randomize
