Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
