No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize