i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
