don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
