paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
