All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
