I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
