u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
vagina is talking i cant
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
