yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
