Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
