DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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