The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
