i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
