So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
