the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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