Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
