i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
