forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
