Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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