so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
