She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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