im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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