Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
