He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
