that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
