so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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