it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
