I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
