I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
