i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i drank out of a bidet.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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