I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
