Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Your cock deserves a montage
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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