All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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