Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm at about main and main street
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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