we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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