i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize