he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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