if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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