i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
