i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
