I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
