Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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