i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Randomize
