It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
