doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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