no, he came in my armpit
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
