I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize