I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
