I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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