She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You need Xanax blowdarts
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize