I'm jealous of your bromance
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
