listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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