Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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