Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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