By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
