hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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