Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize