Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
