The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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