his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
There's always time for handjobs
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
