ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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