you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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