well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
