never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
