Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
