buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
