Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize