Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Randomize
